Monday, May 19, 2014

Living in my new chest: Grown on me

So this final entry is taken some time to compile…I stood in the mirror and stared for a long while tried on some clothes, the drains came out and didn’t leave much of a mark. I was reminded by both my surgeon and his secretary that this is a functional surgery and not cosmetic, I can still get more work done, but that is at least 2 months down the road. I ahd awonderful birthday party, showing them to my step mom and the other nurse friends, they were amazed at how “natural” I look now that they have kind of relaxed a bit and I’ve shown them off ina bikini I can hosnestly say I’ve found my happiness since the last entry. I feel so beautiful and free.

It also helped I think to be invited to tell my story about BRCA. I’ve geootte many complements saying that I’m very brave and that they are impressed that I could make such a decision so young and come out on top with great results.

So I guess this is the end to my prophylactic story, hope this brings you a look into a real life body and mind transformation journey. Surgeyr is not the only choice but it was mine…And I’m proud to say I’m 25 yr old and a previvor.

Binder comes off: cold soup

So technically the binder came off late yesterday and my worst fears came true, I'm not content with the size, to me they are too small and I have no cleavage. I feel like I'm a flat chested girl of 13 again.
I was consoled by my boyfriend that they look nice, and he says I'll always be beautiful to him, but I should be happy if I'm going to go through all this.
My understanding was that I would be slightly smaller than the expanders and just pushed close together. I can't even make cleavage line when I squeeze my new ones together. They look low to me.  I had to put on a bikini top on to assure myself that that was not the case. I feel awful that I'm not seeing what I thought I'd see. It's going to be hard to come into us office and say that this is not right. At least my mom will be with me and help me find the courage to speak up. I do have to remember this is much bigger than sending back cold soup.
This is my body part that I gave up for the greater good. And I should be happy...Right?

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

markings and surgery part 2

Marking Day may 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 markings done at the edmonton clinic, post 12hr OT nigh shift so I kinda fell asleep on the table waiting for Dr. Schembri, looks pretty simple, just have to baby them till 5th of May…gentle showers and taking home a black sharpie to redo any faded lines, I must have sweaty boobs because the middle lines are a bit smudged and I wasn’t wearing a bra!! Darn SwooB’s ( sweaty boobs)
He told me that he’s got a few sizes and textures ordered, and I told him my isider info that I’ll be first case on the Monday…0600hrs in the dayward here we go…yay!!!
Not much more to say, but my breast are a bit sore on the far edges, they must know they are out of here pretty soon…bye by rock hard, hello squishy gel’s!!!
Surgery DAY May 5, 2014 Dayward

Got woken up at 2:30 by a upset stomach, took a Gravel, but then ahd a really messed up dream about having a face ballooned out on one side, and needing a PICC line (cnral lince IV catheter) for antibiotics and I was late for surgery…why do I do that I hate being late, bad enough these dreams seem so bloody real. In the real world I was up at 5:30am, out the door in nice fuzzzy PJ’s and bag packed with the bare minimums, main thing my extendable scratcher…ahhh that is a life savor and skin saver.

I got wheeled into the OR room, joking and laughing about my patients from yesteredays shift, ( basically all my people except two were slipping out of their chairs or climbing out of bed and near falling). Had great anestista, first try for the IV site, big needle holy cow 16G (cocktail straw). Woke up bit nauseated, had stinging pain, but not terrible, little morphine and gravol fixed me right up…to sleep lol.

Ride home was good, fresh air felt great. Stopped for some ice cream cones and my pain killers, and crash on the cough day today.

I have an chest binder on, not to be removed till thurs, so bird bath for me till then. 2 drains which I don’t mind so much they will come out when dressing comes down on thurs. Overall sucessful day.

Monday, April 7, 2014

THE FINAL COUNT DOWN…pick your part appointment!!

April 3, 2014; waiting has been not been too bad, these puppies are a bit sore at times, but otherwaise last 5 months have been pretty good. Went to chiroprcator and man does that feel funny. Laying on my stomach is hard to start with but after about 10 min on the table its like my boobs are asleep, similar to when your bum falls asleep when you sit on a hard floor too long.

Anyways appointment was great, he pans to have it be a day-surgery May 5th, and marking is to be done a few days before, and I get sent home with a sharpie to re-do the lines that fade. He can’t decide which will work best for me, but 600-675ml implants is what I’m gearing for. Right now these expanders are 750ml, so that will be lighter and also more natural looking. I asked him about nipple reconstructon and he basically told me that it might just be the pressure from the expander that’s not allowing the nipple to expand more, and if I really want I can go se the nipple tattoo lady to get some contrast and give the illusion that they are “perfectly perky” only way to find out is get these suckers out.

He said that during the surgery it will probably be 2-1/2 hrs and it will be a lot of sit up see how this size looks, lay down try another, sit up, decide which looks the best, the seal-er up, nip tuck on the sides so they are closer together, and drop the implant a bit under the scar to allow for the nipple to be facing better….sound great to me, wish it was sooner, but I’m sure the night before I’ll be having a hard time sleeping. Until then…tata

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Give you opinion on what Canadian breast cancer foundation should reserch


We want to hear from you!
CBCF has started the process of identifying our future research priorities for our National Grants Program and we are interested in your input.
Each year the Foundation funds the brightest minds in the country through various competitions. Most of these competitions invite researchers to bring forward their best ideas for scientific research on breast cancer, in areas that span the continuum of research. This approach capitalizes on areas of Canadian excellence, builds on areas of strength and supports the work of researchers in our local communities. 
In some areas however, there are gaps in the research continuum and research is needed to fill these gaps, or to allow Canadian researchers to work across the country and gain access to a system and tools that are internationally competitive. CBCF’s National Grants Program is specifically designed to address these opportunities and complement ongoing regional grant competitions.

March 20 - April 7

From March 20 to April 7 the Foundation is inviting our community to tell us about the research that matters to you. By clicking on the link below, you will be taken to a short survey which will take 5 – 10 minutes to complete. 
The Foundation will analyze these results and make our findings public in summer 2014, as a part of announcing the next set of research priorities. 

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Apologies, didn't mean to do that

Please not the last post has been deleted due to confidential nature. I would like to apologize to the CEO of hboc society.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

NEW info for BRCA 1/2...HBOC website

Mammography and the birth control pill one is especially interesting...enjoy